The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
