My hair reeks of homosexuality.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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