Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
