So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
