as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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