Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
