I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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