And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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