My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
