Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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