I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
