i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
