come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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