Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
