You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
