meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
