Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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