Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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