i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
