How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
