plz talk dirty to me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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