I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
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I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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