matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
