Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Randomize
