ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
