Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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