i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
