i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
