Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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