i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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