The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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