That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
