i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
