I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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