when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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