that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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