What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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