there's paper in my vomit.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
