I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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