Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
