so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
