Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
4 words: hood of his car
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
