he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
