How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Vodka?
Forever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
