Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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