There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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