im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
