Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
