I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
