dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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