maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
