a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
