Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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