They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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