Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
