I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
