Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
