When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
