We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
