What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
