Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
