i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
