one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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