Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
