So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
