don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
