don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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