He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
