Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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