At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
