Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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