she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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