all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
