Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
